


ice cream for dinner

by heyheybrownieboy (quirkyteal)



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Counselling, Cyberbullying, Disordered Eating, Emotional, F/M, Hwang hyunjin/reader - Freeform, I started writing this right as I was supposed to sleep, JYP Entertainment - Freeform, Self Insert, Skipping Meals, and told him to lose weight, hyunjin/reader - Freeform, implied - Freeform, implied cyberbullying, implied online harrassment, jype - Freeform, online harrassment, reader/hwang hyunjin, reader/hyunjin, sad hyunjin hours, sad hyunnie hours, sad jinnie hours, selfinsert, so tbh this whole thing is a stream of consciousness, this is for those idiots who told hyunjin on vlive that he looks better skinny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:41:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27890182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quirkyteal/pseuds/heyheybrownieboy
Summary: Hyunjin is skipping meals again.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Reader
Comments: 7
Kudos: 32





	ice cream for dinner

**Author's Note:**

> My first angst!! As always, thank you bby stef for beta-ing for me 🥺🥺🥺

Hyunjin is cold again. You see it in the way he looks in the mirror more, the way his eyes coolly assess his reflection and pick it apart. You see it when the snacks build up in your shared apartment, uneaten but not ignored. You watch as he retreats into himself, pulling away from you and hiding in the dark part of his mind.

He’s home late again, another late night in the practice rooms pushing himself to the limit and then some. His blond hair, clumped together with sweat, hangs in front of his face as he glances at you. His eyes are hollow, barely a hint of affection as he greets you before making a beeline for the bathroom.

He’s cold in bed too, when you join him after putting away yet another portion of dinner he didn’t eat. He says eating too late makes his face swell up, but you both know better than the paper thin lies he’s feeding you - it’s insulting, really. You almost tell him so, before he reaches for you across the sheets. His hand caresses your face, gentle and so so light, and there’s something about how he’s not saying anything that makes your nose sour and tears spring to your eyes and your breath hitch as you turn and look at him —

He turns away, the fleeting warmth of his touch just an echo now. His back to you, those broad shoulders a wall you can’t break down. You choke back your tears and huddle into yourself, mirroring his posture, falling into a restless sleep.

* * *

The morning sun illuminates the room, but you’re already awake. The sheets are cold, the boy you love long gone in the early dawn, and you felt him leave. You had stirred when he rose from the bed and gathered his things, him thinking you were blissfully ignorant and you wishing you were. You had watched him through half-lidded eyes, noting the stark definition of his body, the harsh lines of the muscle; hearing the almost constant grumble of his stomach. His breaths came out in huffs, his mind at war with its vessel.

That night, you stayed up just a little later, listening to his breaths even out before lifting the covers and tiptoeing into the kitchen.

You had spent the day planning. Hyunjin’s stubborn but you had to try - he can’t go on like this. Sooner or later something’s got to give, and it would destroy him if it was his body. So you prepared carefully: a cloth drawstring bag to muffle sound, low-fat energy bars, nutritional supplements, meal replacement powder, and a note begging for forgiveness. If he wasn’t going to eat, at least he could stay healthy. You just hoped he wouldn’t get mad.

You carefully retrieve the bag from the kitchen drawer where you hid it. You shouldn’t have bothered - it’s not like Hyunjin really spent much time at home anymore, you could’ve left the bag right by the door and he wouldn’t have noticed. You return to the room, pausing by the door for a moment to make sure he was still asleep. You approach his black Jansport, heart stopping as you noticed the zipper closures, but letting out a breath when you realised he left them open. You take a deep breath and glance back at his sleeping form, sending a prayer to whatever god existed that he wouldn’t be angry at your intrusion of his privacy. You gingerly lift the bag’s opening and slide the drawstring bag in, patting it back in place. _Mission accomplished. I’m sorry, Jinnie. I love you. Don’t be mad._

You get back into bed, relaxing into the mattress, senses on high alert for any sign of your boyfriend awaking. Slowly, the sound of his even breaths lulls you to sleep.

* * *

You jump at the sound of the door unlocking. A quick glance at the clock tells you it’s 7.30PM: dinner time, but it’s just been you lately. Frantic thoughts race through your mind, and you’re clutching the kitchen knife defensively before you register Hyunjin stepping through the hallway. He stops as your eyes meet, his hands coming up in a surrender before you put the knife down.

“Hi babe,” he says carefully.

“Hey,” you reply warily. “You scared me."

You look him over. "You’re home early,”

“Yeah,” he clears his throat. “Yes, I am.”

You stare at him.

“What are you cooking?” He comes closer, steps uncertain. He comes to stand beside you, hands on the counter, fingers flexing and unflexing against the worktop. The space between your shoulders and his crackles with tension. His shoulders are hunched, his hulking frame crouched into itself. You take a deep breath and decide to go with the flow.

“I’m making soybean paste stew. It’s cold these days, and I…” You look at him out of the corner of your eye. “I felt like I needed some comfort.” A tiny, vindictive part of you takes pride in how he winces.

“It smells nice.” His hands are still on the counter, restlessly clenching around nothing, his eyes focused on the action. He rolls his shoulders back, the motion alluringly feline. You turn towards him fully, leaning closer, and he leans away almost reflexively. Your heart aches.

“Are you okay?”

You reach for his hands, taking them in yours and grasping them between the two of you. His eyes follow, staring at your intertwined hands for a moment before looking up and meeting yours. His gaze is molten steel, cutting into you coldly, but you catch a hint of affection before he rushes forward, cradling your face with slightly sweaty palms as he brings his lips to yours.

You can’t remember the last time you kissed him, but it wasn’t like this. This Hyunjin is desperate, hot breaths huffing out against your face as he kisses you, again and again. Your hands fist his thin t-shirt as he demands more from you, the heat from his kisses spurring your heart into a stampede. His broad frame towers over you, your senses filled with him - the hard planes of his body, the warmth of his skin, the rough undercurrent of nervous energy thrumming just beneath his skin - until you let out a breathless whine and tip toe, wrapping your arms around his neck. He curls his body into yours, snaking his arms around your waist and squeezing tight. He hoists you up and you make a noise of surprise, legs coming up to grip his waist as he places you on an empty spot on the counter.

He lets go of you, leaning forward and placing his hands beside your thighs. He buries his head into your neck, sighing as he nuzzles into your shoulder. Pulling away, he smirks as he takes in your face, lips reddened and cheeks flushed.

“I know what you did.”

Your blood runs cold and you freeze. Hyunjin chuckles at your reaction.

“I’m not mad, baby. I’m thankful,” his hands travel up your back.

“OK, I was mad at first. But then I read your note.” He cups the back of your head and strokes down to your neck.

“I know you were just looking out for me. And… I’m sorry for neglecting you.” His sheepish expression makes you smile, and you bring a hand to his cheek.

“I didn’t realise how bad I was getting until you had to snoop around behind my back just to take care of me, when I should’ve been taking care of myself,” He continues, pressing kisses to your palm. “I’m sorry for making you worry about me. It must’ve been hard to be with me… I’m glad you’re still here.”

“I just wanted you to be healthy and happy,” your words come out in a whisper. “Whatever you’re going through, I want to be a part of it too. I’d be a shitty girlfriend if you couldn’t rely on me, too, right?”

“I didn’t want to burden you-“ you shush him with a finger to his lips. “Alright, alright. I get it.”

“So what happened?”

His eyes snap to yours, surprised. You see it in his eyes, the moment he decides to be vulnerable. He tells you everything - the livestreams, the comments, the expectations, the pressure. All the things he hid from his members and from you spill out of him like an avalanche, snowballing until he finally sucks in a breath, the weight of it all lifting from his shoulders a little.

“I have a counselling appointment tomorrow.”

Worry creases your features. “If the fans find out, you might get even more hate.”

“They won’t. The company... We have an agreement. We’re kind of on break now, anyway. I’m going to see if I can handle this quietly before next year’s schedules start.” He chews the inside of his lip pensively.

“I’ll be here for you. Lean on me, okay?”

He smiles gratefully, burying his face in the crook of your neck playfully.

“Now, let’s have dinner!”


End file.
